Although Rachel Lindsay is honoring her agreement to not discuss why she had a falling out with Raven Gates, she did further address the situation in her new book.
For nearly three years now, fans have been dying to know what happened between Rachel Lindsay and Raven Gates. Unfortunately, Rachel is still keeping the tea close to the vest. “When I ended the friendship with Raven, I made an agreement not to speak publicly about what occurred between us,” Rachel writes in her new book, Miss Me With That. “I intend to honor that agreement. Other than to say that I found myself in a situation where I felt the need to protect and remove myself, these are the only details I’m going to provide. This is my business. This is Raven’s business. This is not for anybody else to know. Your curiosity does not trump my integrity.”
Rachel and Raven met when they were both contestants on Nick Viall’s season of The Bachelor, which aired at the beginning of 2017. They continued to hang out after the show ended, popping up on each other’s Instagrams in photos quite often. Raven even went on to start dating Adam Gottschalk, who was a contestant on Rachel’s season of The Bachelorette, and got Rachel’s blessing to pursue the relationship (the two are now married). However, by 2019, Rachel and Raven began to be noticeably absent on each other’s Instagram pages. When Raven didn’t attend Rachel’s bachelorette party that summer, fans knew something was up.
In Oct. 2019, Rachel was asked about what happened during an interview on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen. Once again, she explained that she wouldn’t be sharing what went down. “I can’t say,” Rachel revealed. “I promised I wouldn’t say, but it was enough for me to not want to be friends with her anymore.” She also confirmed that she would “never” be friends with Raven again after the falling out.
In her book, Rachel recalled being “trashed” by Bachelor Nation fans for her response in the interview. “They went so far as to call Raven the bigger person, as she did interviews claiming to have no idea why I was upset with her and that she missed our friendship,” Rachel explained. “Even though it was clear that I’m the one who ended that relationship, I don’t get the benefit of the doubt that I had a good reason to do so.”
Rachel also went way back to the beginning of her friendship with Raven on The Bachelor, and brought up a “red flag” that she noticed while filming the show. “Raven was always writing in her journal,” Rachel wrote. “One night, she read aloud her first-night impressions of each of us. ‘Rachel – she has black skin. And she seems nice.’” The former attorney recalled her feelings when Raven read that out loud. “What the f***?” she wondered. “Who says that s***? Not only do you think it, but you actually say it out loud for people to hear? Of all the ways you could describe me, that’s what you came up with? You ain’t ever seen a Black person before? Like, never seen one of us up close? Like I’m out here in the wild like a gorilla?”
At the time, Rachel decided not to handle the situation “like [she] might have in [her] normal life.” She also said she opted to give Raven the “benefit of the doubt” because of her upbringing in small-town Arkansas. After that, Rachel said that it “surprised” her how close she got with Raven, and especially how much the relationship resonated with fans.
However, she’s holding strong to her decision not to share the details of their falling out. “Bachelor Nation has already made assumptions about what occurred between us and has made me the one in the wrong, once again,” Rachel shared. “I owe no one in this franchise my time, attention or care. I especially refuse to give Bachelor Klan — forever thirsty to cast the white woman as a victim and the Black woman as her tormentor — any additional ammunition to take my words and use them against me. You knew how close Raven and I were. You could see the pain our estrangement caused her. And yet refused to acknowledge mine.”
At one other point in the book, Rachel reminisced about talking to Raven on the phone before she left to film The Bachelorette. She remembered that the pep talk made her feel “good and ready” to begin the journey. “That was how close we were…until we weren’t,” Rachel explained. “It is funny — you really do not get to know people from the franchise, discover who they are, and learn who your friends are until about a year or two after the show ends.” And that’s that!